Stalking online dating
Bumping into them IRL and asking about an event they attended five months ago that you'd only know about from looking at Facebook. " is not a good conversation starter if you're trying not to look like a huge creeper. There's no going back from this — you can't un-send a friend request.
This person has no idea who you are, and once they see who your one mutual friend is, they'll have your shady ways all figured out. The Picture Tag Fail You know when you upload a picture via the mobile app, and then proceeding to tag your friends and in doing so accidentally tag your stalkee because you were thinking about the person all day? The Desperately Immediate Comment Fail Timing is important on Facebook, and you don't want to comment on a status update too quickly because it makes it look like all you do is wait for a person to post something.
The goal is to find out when that person last logged into the website, presumably to chat with someone else.
While it may seem like a good, stealthy way to monitor where you stand with your new beau, dating site stalking is a terrible idea.
Instead of focusing on whether he was communicating with other women, I helped her find the certainty she wanted; it was already in her.
She was confused and couldn't understand how, if things could seem so good when they spoke, he might be pursuing other women. It even made her angry and resentful because it triggered her serious trust issues. It's clear that my client was on the verge of fatal self-sabotage; that's how it often happens.
The good news is that she was doing a great job in many respects, and it was clear that her guy was very interested.
He freely contacted her often, arranged phone dates with her in advance, and they had an excellent connection that was deepening.
They have a visit planned and things continue to improve with every call. Here's what she told me, which explains her shift even better than I could:"As for [the dating site], I feel this has been really transformative for me not to get on there. When that happens I walk myself through: What am I really telling myself by doing that — that I'm replaceable — and a bunch of other negative things that aren't helpful. The only thing I have control of is showing up proud of myself. So I sit, and remember how even if it feels scary in the moment, feeling icky for hours afterwards and not showing up how I want to is much worse."Be warned: there will be people who are really attached to the option of looking online at a new partner.
They will argue that you need to know so you don't give more than they are.
Obviously, that had a negative effect on how she showed up when they talked. Left to her own devices, even she would admit that she would have definitely blown up the whole thing far too soon, before it developed a solid-enough foundation.